Prologue Khloe 2016

 

I sat in the VIP section with my girls. We were out celebrating my acceptance into law school. In a few short years I would be living my dream of becoming a criminal attorney. As long as I could remember I was interested in crime shows. It was either pursue a career as an attorney or forensic scientist. Science was difficult for me, so I dropped that idea my freshman year of high school when I took my first AP science class. If it was a struggle for me in high school, I could only imagine the college level courses. In order to get into Yale, I needed to have honors my whole four years so sticking with the lawyer career was more my speed. And I went to Hardin to attend their Law Academy. It’s not the best school in the state of Connecticut but that program prepared me in many ways. Our teachers gave us mock trials and course work that focused on the law. I enjoyed it, plus it looked great on my college application. I attended four years at Sacred Heart University getting my bachelor’s degree in criminal justice, now I was on my way to the big leagues at Yale. My friends decided it was time to get me out of the house. It had been a while since I let my hair down to enjoy myself.

“It’s lit in here. I told you we would have fun tonight.” Imani said, twerking to the music.

 

“You are always in these hood ass clubs. I haven’t been around this mess since high school. I don’t see how you enjoy this all the time.” Soraya replied, looking around.

“You two act like y’all not from the hood and too good. This is us, we grew up in places like this. Don’t act all brand new because y’all got them degrees.”

“Stop it. Nobody is saying we’re not having fun but look at these men in here. I feel like a shootout can happen at any moment.” I chuckled.

Looking around I studied everyone in the room. The women wore small dresses and danced hoping to catch the eye of a guy with money. Most of the men here were posted against the wall watching their surroundings. Making sure not to get caught lacking by their opps.

Bridgeport was a funny place like that. You could have a night where everybody is enjoying themselves and in the blink of an eye bullets could be flying in every direction. I had my nights where I would beg my mother to let me go out so I could shake my ass to the latest songs but once I got to college, I left that in the past. In order to get where I wanted to be in life, I sacrificed a lot of my free time so I could be the best student in the class. I was a black woman in a school full of white kids. They could do the bare minimum and still make it in life, but I had to work my ass off.

While I was watching people, my eyes landed on this guy. Boy was this man fine as hell.

 

He was tall, smooth light skin, maybe six feet or taller with an athletic body, shoulder length braids and his gold grill shined under the lights.

“I see you eyeing Killa,” Imani said over the music. “His fine ass.”

 

“Who is that?” I asked her. I had been in Bridgeport my whole life, but I never saw him before which is weird.

“He chills in the PJs over there on the West End. Khloe, I’m sure if I show you a picture of him you would remember. Nigga just came home from doing a bid.” She explained.

While she talked, I kept my eyes focused on him. I don’t know why I was sweating him so hard. We were about to be in two different worlds, plus I wasn’t single.

“You act like you don’t have a man at home. You better worry about Drake. It ain’t shit these hood niggas can do for you but break your heart.” Soraya reminded me.

“Yo, you really are working my nerves Raya. I don’t know why you’re sitting here acting holier than thou when you fucked a street nigga from every hood. With your hood hopping ass” Imani rolled her eyes.

“That was then and this is now. We can’t get caught up in their bull shit when we are trying to build careers that don’t go with the type of lifestyle that these niggas out here living. Killing, robbing and scamming people.” Raya rolled her eyes.

I looked at her because she was saying some crazy shit even though there was some truth in what she was saying. Just because I wanted to be a lawyer didn’t mean I was going to shit on the same people I grew up with. I was a hood bitch at heart, but I also wanted to make a difference in the world. By being a lawyer, I would help represent people who wouldn’t be able to afford the best attorney. I planned on taking on pro bono cases in the future to help my people who got stuck with public defenders.

“Wait a damn minute. I know you were not talking about scamming when I cracked the card to get the bag you’re wearing” Imani told her.

“Both of you shut up.” I scolded them.

 

Looking at the time I tapped them. “I think we should head out before the party is over.

 

You know how it is once the club lets out.”

 

“You ain’t gotta tell me twice.” Soraya said, picking up her purse.

 

Once we got in the car Imani dropped her off home and we sat on her porch smoking a blunt. She lived on a block that was live at night. Everybody was out here. We both changed into some sneakers and shorts when we got in.

“That bitch Soraya is pissing me off. What the hell happened to her?”

Blowing smoke out of the side of my mouth I shrugged my shoulders. “Don’t get me to lying. I know I haven’t been around because of school but that’s all it is. She doesn't want shit to do with the hood at all. I love her but she’s boring now. I barely want to do anything with her.

One day she called me to go out for drinks. Me being the bad bitch I am, put on a popping ass outfit. When we pulled up to a bar in Westport, I wanted to slap her so bad. They were playing pop music from the 2000’s.”

“Ain’t shit out there but a bunch of boring old men. The only time I go out there is when I’m looking for a sugar daddy.”

“Okay” I chimed in. “Tell me about that Killa dude.” “Why?” She side-eye me.

“Honestly, I don’t know.” I told her.

 

“I mean there’s not much to know about him. He’s from the West, no kids, or girlfriend.

 

Killa is a little crazy though.” “Crazy how?” I questioned.

“Listen, I don’t even want to repeat the shit. Just know he’s a shooter.” “Oh okay.” I shrugged.

It was something about him that intrigued me, and I didn’t know why. He wasn’t the kind of guy that I went for anymore and I did have a boyfriend. There was no future with a man like that. We sat on the porch for a little while longer before heading inside for the night.

​

A week later

 

I sat on my couch pouting. Drake was supposed to take me out for dinner. In a few more months I would be starting school, and all my focus would be on that. We planned this date for a month, the day was here, and he was a no show. Once he graduated, he went straight to work for his father’s financial company in Greenwich. We met freshman year and had been inseparable ever since. He grew up in a house with both of his parents. When he pulled up in his Camaro, I knew I had to have him. Drake was different from all of the other men I had been with. He was going places in life that wouldn’t land him in jail or a cemetery. My mother always told me to go to college and meet someone who was going to school for something that made a lot of money so I could marry him and have kids. She had my whole life planned out. I listened to her for the most part because she wanted what was best for me. And never made my do things that I didn’t enjoy. I took so many different classes my mother had to clear space in the garage for my different instruments and sports equipment.

“Sorry that I can’t make it. We have an emergency at work, so my dad needs me to stay.

 

If I get out at a decent time I will head over. I love you”

 

My blood boiled as I listened to his message. Instead of letting me know earlier so I could have planned to do something else, he waited until the last possible moment so I could be couped up in the house. Throwing my iPhone on the couch I went to the kitchen for a bottle of liquor.

Since I was stuck in the house, I was going to do it drunk. After my third cup I was feeling nice as I danced to Wild Thoughts by Dj Khaled, Rihanna and Bryson Tiller. Picking up the phone I called Imani, but her phone went to voicemail. I sat there in my feelings, bored out of my mind.

After a nice hot shower, I sat on my bed scrolling through Facebook when a picture caught my attention. Some blonde, white girl tagged Drake in a picture that was from tonight. It was a group picture with the people from his office but the way she was snuggled against my man didn’t sit right with me. Instead of him rushing home to be with me he decided to go out with his coworkers. Rolling my eyes I tossed my phone on the nightstand and forced myself to go to sleep.

*****

The next morning, I was up bright and early on my way to Drake's condo. He ignored all my calls and texts the night before. I usually wake up to messages from him but today there was nothing. When I got to his house his car wasn’t there, so I assumed he went on his morning run at the park. Whenever I stayed over, he tried to get me to join him, but I wasn’t the type of person to wake up at the crack of dawn to workout. I was conflicted on whether or not to stay to confront him about the pictures and the weird vibes I had been getting from him lately. Leaning on my car in front of his condo I replied to Soraya’s text messages. She wanted me to go with her to an event, but I opted out. I wasn’t in the mood to be bothered by randoms. The oversized Yale hoodie shielded me from the brisk morning wind. About twenty-minutes later, I saw him running down the street. Sweat glistened from his body, EarPods in his ear oblivious to me standing in front of the house about to ruin his morning. I used to let him do whatever, but this break made me realize I allowed him to roam far too long. Now it was time to pull him in.

Pushing myself off my car and stood with my hands on my hip to get his attention. A small smile appeared on his face, but I was about to wipe it off.

“What a present surprise Khloe.” He said, in a casual tone. Like the one you would fake in an office setting. It didn’t feel personal. Any other time he would pull me into a bear hug and shower me with kisses. This time was different, and I didn’t like it.

“Are you kidding me?” I scoffed.

 

“I know you’re not still mad about me canceling the date. I told you I had important business to attend to. You promised me when I went full-time you would understand.” He said.

“But you were tagged in a picture that didn’t look too professional to me.” I said pushing my phone in his face.

“Look you’re reading too much into this. After finishing work late, me and a few coworkers decided to go out for a drink. There were other people around. My bad for overstepping my boundaries and I won’t do it again.” Drake replied, shocking me.

I came prepared for a fight. While waiting for him I came up with a few things to say to avoid being gaslighted. But he waved the white flag, so I had no choice to back down. I didn’t want to seem like the girlfriend who didn’t know how to let things go. I had my whole life planned out with this man and wanted things to work out so badly between us.

“Ok. But you have to make it up to me. Are you going to invite me in?” I asked ready to kick my shoes off.

“Rain check? I got a call on the way back and my dad needs me in the office.” He replied, grabbing the back of his neck and looked off to the side. To avoid looking me in my eyes. Something he did when he was guilty of something.

“I won’t be in your way. I can pick out your clothes while you hop in the shower.” I said with a raised brow.

“I’m in a rush Khloe.”

 

“Whatever. Call me or don’t at this point I don’t care.” I never begged a man to love me, and I wasn’t about to start now.

Before he could respond I got into my car and quickly pulled off. Something was up with Drake, and I was willing to bet there was someone in his condo. Any other time he would have pulled me into the house soon as he made it to his door. He had some things he needed to figure out and the truth always has its way of popping up, so I wasn’t about to stress myself out. Imani text me telling me to help her pick out an outfit. When I pulled into the parking spot out front, she was sitting on the porch smoking. She handed me the blunt, but I declined it. it was too early

for me to smoke. It was something I did occasionally, and I was about to stop once I started classes in a few weeks.

“Shit more for me.” She let out a chuckle, causing herself to choke. “You good?” I asked her.

“Don’t mind me. I was cleaning and decided to have a mimosa with breakfast and I finished the bottle of champagne.

“It just hit noon. You need to slow down, aren’t you going to a day party soon.” “Speaking of that party, I might need you to take me. I can’t drive like this and I’m on the

flyer and can’t miss it.”

“Damn. I didn’t plan on going out. And I don’t have anything to wear.” I looked at the outfit I had on. Some ripped shorts, white tank top and Yeezy slides.

“Go grab something from the boutique down the street. I’ll even pay for your outfit and it’s hot out so you can wet your hair and wear it curly.

“You got it all planned out huh.”

 

Imani was going to get to the party someway and it was safer for me to go with her. I planned on spending my day with Drake, but he had plans that didn’t include me, so I needed something else to do. Sitting in the house alone wasn’t how I wanted to spend my day.

“Girl lets go. I want to grab something new while we’re there.”

 

Shrugging my shoulders I got back in my car while she went inside to grab her purse and lock up. While I waited, I refreshed my lip gloss and put on some music. When I looked up, he rode by on a dirt bike. My eyes linked with Killa and he smiled showing off his grillz, causing me to blush.

“Aht aht what you in here doing.” Imani said.

“None of your business.” I replied not playing into her games.

 

Ten minutes later we pulled up to the modern looking boutique. The inside was black and white with hints of silver strategically place throughout the store. The clothes were neatly placed on silver clothing racks.

“Welcome to The Doll House. Can I help you find any thing ladies?” The pretty light skinned cashier said.

“We’re good for now. I’ll let you know if we need help.” I replied.

I was going to look around because I didn’t know the vibes I was going for that day. Since it was a day party, I didn’t want to wear heels or anything uncomfortable. As I looked around the store, I knew I wasn’t going to find anything here. Most of the clothes gave Instagram model and I didn’t want my body hanging out the too small clothes. When I turned to head towards Imani I noticed a graphic t-shirt. Looking at the price tag I placed it back down. I had the money, but it was the principle. I would wear the cheaply imported shirt once and throw it in the back of the closet or turn it into a sleep shirt. Any clothes that I spent over a certain amount I made sure to be able to wear multiple times.

“I don’t like shit in here and it’s too expensive. Everything in here is a crop top or mini dress. I need a regular outfit.” Imani whispered in my ear, causing me to laugh.

“Girl, I said the same thing. They want $90 for this shirt.” I held the item I was looking at a second ago.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here. I got something at home. We can grab my clothes and makeup, and I’ll get ready at your house.”

“I do see some shades I’m going to grab though.” I said heading towards the accessories.

After over-paying for the glasses, we went back to Imani’s house, and I helped her pick out something cute to wear before we stopped to grab something to eat at the Fish and Chips spot on the East Side.

*****

 

A Boogie “My Shit” played from my pink Beats speaker while we stood in my room rapping along. We started getting over an hour ago and was nowhere near done. Imani took a nap and sobered up, woke up and had me taking shots of Patron.

“Here one more.” She said, handing me a pink shot glass full of tequila.

“I’m the designated driver. I can’t drink, messing around with you we will end up taking Uber.” I replied, pushing her hand away.

“Don’t be boring ewww.” Imani poked her tongue out.

 

Ignoring her I went to the closet to grab the outfit I picked out in my head. It was a mini camo skirt, white fitted crop top, gold and white Retro Jordan 12’s. Drake got me these sneakers a while ago and it was time to wear them. Most of my sneakers sat in the closet collecting dust. I wore my favorite pair but other than that I loved wearing Uggs. They were better for running across campus. I did a quick natural beat using tinted moisturizer, and a red lip. My hair was curly, half up with two braids in the front. Imani finally got it together and was curling her hair. While she did that, I sprayed my Marc Jacobs perfume and put the essentials in my Gucci Speedy bag.

“Let’s get out of here the promoter asking where I’m at.” Imani said coming out of the bathroom.

“I’m ready.” I replied, grabbing my overnight bag.

Twenty minutes later we were pulling up to this new bar and restaurant that opened. The man Kai was popular so most of the city was out here. He started off hosting parties until the club he used got shut down after a huge shootout. So, he decided to open his own club. His family was heavy hitters in Bridgeport, so everyone knew not to come here with drama. And I appreciated that. It was the only reason why I came. Summers were filled with nothing, but drama and I didn’t want to get caught in the middle of a shoot-out. Dj Khaled’s “Work” blasted through the speakers as we made our way through the crown and up the steps to the roped off section nearby. The bottle girl placed a gold bucket filled with bottled of liquor, juice, sofa and water on ice. I grabbed a bottle to quench my thirst while Imani talked to the owner of the club and his fine cousin Bashar. When she was done, I knew she was going to come over and fill our cups with tequila.

“It’s packed in here thank goodness for VIP.” Imani said, handing me the Styrofoam cup with her name on it.

“Right.” I replied, taking the cup from her hand and sipping. The DJ was in his bag playing Bryson Tiller, Drake and all the other songs of the summer. The music had everyone out of their seats dancing. After a few shots, a hookah rotation and dancing we were lit. I had to chill because I forgot I was the designated driver for a minute. Sitting back, I took my phone out and recorded Imani because I know she was going to need footage to post later when she sobered up. After a while I was ready to go and Imani agreed. She said her goodbyes and we were headed out.

By midnight we were sitting on Imani’s porch eating greasy Chinese take-out from the spot down the street. After drinking all day, the French fries and fried chicken drenched in hot sauce and ketchup was hitting the spot. The real hood comfort meal. It was my favorite after a

long day of high school; I would grab some on my way home. Imani was licking her fingers, talking about the guy she met earlier, and I was lowkey not paying attention. A week from now, she would be on to her next victim. She had a tattoo that said “Man Eater” on her lower back. I tried to talk her out of getting the tramp stamp senior year, but she waved me off.

The summer air was thick, but peaceful. I had come back to Imani’s house after the party to shower and throw on a two-piece Nike Short set. It was hot and I needed to freshen up before I did anything else. I was bare faced with my hair out wild and curly. Someone down the street was blasting Drake “Summer Sixteen” from their car radio. Then the sound of dirt bikes in the distance interrupted our conversation.

“Hmm that must be Shoddy, Killa and them.” Imani said, chewing her food.

 

As the sound got closer, my heart started doing cartwheels. Like when you were in middle school and would see your crush walk in your direction. One of them had a ski mask pushed over his head and Killa wore a silver helmet. Usually, he would ride by but his friend stopped, and Imani stood up to greet him. They talked while I sat on the porch scrolling through my phone.

“You want to go for a ride?” Imani asked me.

 

“I don’t know these niggas like that, and you want me to get on the back of a bike.” I looked at her like she was crazy.

“Do me this one favor please. They cool people and you know I don’t just go with anyone. I been trying to chill with Shoddy for a minute.”

“You better be lucky I love you.” I rolled my eyes.

I mean she didn’t have to do much convincing. The night was still young, and I was trying to live it up my last summer before becoming an attorney. I would never be able to do something like this again. Standing up I adjusted my clothes and walked towards Killa.

“You ready to ride?” he asked, voice smooth since he already knew I was. “Yeah, lets go.” I said, taking the silver helmet from him.

When I looked over Imani was already on the back of Shoddy bike cuddled on him like she belonged there. Taking a deep breath, I threw my leg over the bike and adjusted myself and grabbing on to his waist for dear life. Motor bikes were dangerous but you only live once and I was trying to be young and turnt. The bikes roared to life and peeled off into the night. The streets of Bridgeport was lit. We dipped through the East Side, past the bodegas with the older Puerto Rican men outside playing dominoes. Then we sped through the hollow, then to the North end. At every stop Killa would ask if I was okay. It felt freeing and I was enjoying myself. Once we hit the West Side, Killa turned to a quiet street, lined with big Victorian houses. Pulling into the driveway he turned the engine off.

“This your house I’m assuming.” I asked him.

 

“Yeah. My boy told me he would be here in an hour so we can drop y’all off.”

 

I wanted to roll my eyes because I was already knowing what she was getting into. Killa unlocked the door and stepped aside so I could walk through. The house was clean and smelled good. I wondered if he had a girl.

“Make yourself at home,” he said, putting the keys on the hook behind the door.

 

He disappeared into the back room while I looked around. It didn’t look like a woman lived here which made me relax more.

 

“You want something to drink?” he called out from the kitchen.

“Yeah, I’ll take a water.”

 

A few seconds later, he came back with my water, a bottle of Henny and two shot glasses. I took mine without hesitation. The liquor burned going down, but it numbed the butterflies fluttering in my chest. I had no business being here alone with him and I was going to need some liquid courage. We stood in silence for a moment, eyes locked. Then, he stepped forward, one hand sliding behind my neck, the other resting on my waist. The kiss was slow at first, but it got deeper. My back hit the wall before I even realized we were moving. His lips trailed down my neck, hands exploring like he already knew what I liked. He was gentle, but assertive.

Next thing I knew, we were in the bedroom. Clothes being tossed piece by piece. My top hit the floor, and his shirt followed. I ran my hands down his chest, soaking in the moment. He lifted me onto the bed like I was light as a feather, mouth on my collarbone, then my lips again. When his hands slipped down to my waistband, he paused, reaching for the nightstand.

“Hold on.” he muttered, pulling the drawer open.

 

“No condoms?” I asked, breathless. As he rummaged through the drawer

 

He sighed, frustrated, rubbing the back of his neck. “Nah… damn.”

 

I raised an eyebrow. “Well, you better go get one. Or we can just stop, I shouldn’t be doing this anyways.”

Killa let out a short laugh, then leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Aight, don’t go nowhere. I’m going to be right back. The store is right down the block.”

He grabbed his shirt and wallet, slipped his slides on, and walked out the room.

 

I sat there, still warm all over, heart racing from how far we almost went. I poured myself two more shots and tossed them back to quiet my thoughts. Taking out my phone I called Drake to see if he picked up. When the phone went straight to voicemail I shook my head. I was for sure going through with it now. You see how men pushed you to the extreme. Had he answered the phone I would be walking out the door and ordering an Uber to my car.

Pop, pop, pop! Three gunshots or more rang out. I froze unsure of what to do. It sounded close. Too close. I stood up, clutching the edge of the dresser, eyes flicking toward the window. My heart thumped so hard I could hear it in my ears. I didn't know whether to lock myself in the bathroom or hide in the closet. But a few minutes later it stopped, and I held my breath. Five minutes later Killa walked in like nothing happened. In one hand, he held a crumpled corner store bag. He saw the look on my face and tilted his head.

“You good?"

 

I didn’t answer. Just nodded slowly as he walked over and handed me the box. He leaned in again, kissing the side of my neck, but this time I noticed it. My hand grazed his waist and there it was, a gun that was warm. I stiffened and he caught it. His hand moved quickly, tucking it deeper into the back of his shorts.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said low, brushing his lips against mine again.

 

But because I was tipsy, turned on, and didn't want to think too hard about what happened. After this night I was going to make sure to keep my distance from Killa. He was

clearly into some illegal activities and with a name like his, it wasn’t shocking. This was one night that I was going to leave in the past. No matter how good it felt we were going to be in two different worlds. I would never see him again and I had school to focus on and a future to protect.

​